Chris Jericho's Odded Out Week
by ScarlettFever0193
Summary: Chris Jericho screws up the day before he returns to the WWE so now he has to pay with an odded out week!
1. A BIG Mistake

All Chris Jericho was simply trying to prepare himself for his return to the WWE. Looking back, he still doesn't know what he did wrong. But as they say, stuff happens.

Let's return back to that day, shall way?

A Week Earlier…

Chris Jericho was sitting on his couch with his feet on the coffee table eating some Doritos and watching _House_ at 10:30pm. He looked at his watch and realized what time it was.

"Aw shoot, I gotta get ready to get back to the WWE tomorrow." He muttered.

He sighed. Why was life always trying to beat up on Chris Jericho?

Chris got up and went to his room to sleep. Alone. Again. In his apartment. Fragment. Fragment.

It was times like this that made him wish he had decided to get married to that prostitute in Las Vegas.

But this was no time to complain about his personal life.

_After all, I'll be back where I belong soon._ He thought closing his eyes.

Off to sleep, sweet, sweet Jericho…

Chris Jericho's Dream

It was pretty weird.

He found himself sitting between Wayne Brady and Colin Mochrie on the set of _Whose Line Is It Anyway?_!

Drew Carey was sitting in front of him and for some reason, Y2J felt an odd surge of envy for Drew's glasses.

"Drew, can I have your glasses?" he asked.

Drew frowned. "No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"Well, okay."

He took them off and Chris went and got them. Wayne, Colin, and Ryan Stiles weren't happy about it.

"Drew, how come you never let me have your glasses?" they whined.

The host rolled his eyes and tossed $100 at them to keep them happy and quiet.

It worked.

End Dream Sequence

"Whoa!" Chris sat up in the bed, dripping with sweat. "What was that about?"

He shook his head and mumbled, "Dreams."

Then he looked forward saw a ghostly figure of Stephanie McMahon. He chuckled as he thought to himself how much better she looked ghostly. Stephanie frowned and threw a newspaper at him, which conked his head.

"Ow! What was that for!"

"For saying that I looked better ghostly. Now pay attention!" Stephanie looked Chris up and down, sneering. Chris felt tears come to his eyes.

That newspaper really hurt.

"Chris, you had a dream didn't you? Where you took Drew Carey's glasses right?"

He blushed. "Honestly, it was an accident, I couldn't control myself-"

"Shut up! I don't have time for your perversions. I just wanted to tell you that you made an unfortunate mistake."

"You know, my head really hurts. Do you have something I could take for it?" he asked, rubbing his temple.

She ignored him. "Chris, you have made your mistake and now, I will make your first week back on WWE TV HELL! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaa!"

"Could you be more specific? I endured a lot of hells-"

Stephanie groaned and took out her reading glasses as she read the memo. "Ahem- 'Chris Jericho's hell shall be seven weeks of odd circumstances. In these days, he and everyone around him will succumb to the power of the oddness.' Did that help?"

"Somewhat."

Stephanie smiled. "Wonderful. Now I'll be going. You better get some sleep. You've got a big day ahead of you!"

With that, she disappeared and Chris immediantly fell asleep.


	2. Everybody's Rapping Cousin

AN: Alright, Jack felt springy enough to help me out with this one because he told me that I had weak- ass rhymes. So, he rewrote most of the raps, give him credit for that.

Chris Jericho knew something was up the second he opened his eyes this morning. For one thing, he felt reluctant to open his mouth and that never happened before. But he couldn't dwell on it for too long.

Today was going to be his first appearance back on WWE TV since Fall 2005, a year ago, and he couldn't afford to let a little feeling stop his comeback.

God forbid we have another Brock Lesnar on our hands.

Chris got up and prepared himself for the day, all without a word, and without too much of a thought. He then drove to the arena the WWE was invading that day and went straight to Vince's office.

Vince was talking to Shane, but they immediantly stopped when Chris entered the room.

Without saying a word, the boss gestured for Jericho to say something.

He took a deep breath and began,

"Hey, Vinnie Mac, well here I am,

Now quit filling my inbox with Internet spam.

I want my job back and I want to see my friends.

This time I hope my career never ends."

Vince smiled and responded,

"Well, Jericho, I'm glad to see,

You've decided to come back to the WWE."

Shane nodded.

"Now, Jericho, since you're here,

I'm gonna spill the news of this past year."

Chris groaned in a rhythmatic fashion.

"Aw, come on man, cut me some slack!

I've been really busy and I've just come back!"

Shane wagged a finger while shaking his head.

"No way Chris, don't mean to be rude,

But I'm gonna tell you all about it while I bust a move!"

He cleared his throat and began to dance.

"We returned to the network USA,

Eric Bischoff got sent away.

Matt Hardy kept it real,

And King Booker made a steal.

Our friend Eddie died while Randy Orton tried,

But Rey took the title from Kurt,

Chris Benoit got hurt.

Cena lost his WWE title,

But with Edge taunting him, he can't stay idle.

The Great Khali defeated the Phenom,

But The Undertaker came back strong.

Mick Foley took on Ric Flair-"

"Whoa! Shane- O, don't even go there!" Vince told his son, shaking his head.

Chris crossed his arms.

"It's good to see that even without me,

There's still chaos in the WWE."

The McMahons exchanged looks. Shane sighed.

"Why don't you hit the locker room Chris?

I really do think that we're done with this."

Chris nodded and turned, but not before Vince told him,

"Tomorrow's when we do the show.

Ask the superstars; they should know."



"Damn Chris, you're really back!

Don't tell Ric or he'll have a heart attack!"

John Cena was the first to greet his "rival" in the locker room. Everyone else followed suit.

"Hey hey hey! Talk one at a time!

You're goin' so fast that I can't understand your rhyme!"

Lita laughed and hugged her friend.

"Sorry Chris, don't mean to dis,

But you're the one that we've all missed.

I know that you got tired of livin' this style,

But I hope this time you can stay a while."

Edge narrowed his eyes playfully.

"Now Amy Dumas, what's that suppose to mean?

I don't like what I've just seen!"

"Calm down, Edge, this is all I'm sayin',

Without Chris, the game isn't as fun playin'."

Triple H held up his hands.

"Sharon, Ozzy, please that's enough.

We all know you think you're hot stuff."

Shawn turned to Chris and told him.

"Your first storyline is your feud with Edge.

You're gonna push him over the uh, ledge."

Shawn shrugged as Edge rolled his eyes. Chris was confused.

"Hold up man. How so? How can I get him mad?

How can I manage to get to this lad?

Shawn, ya gotta tell me; you did it so well,

Just tell me- tell me, please do tell."

Shawn opened his mouth, but John stopped him. He's been waiting for someone to ask him for months.

"Calm down, Chris, I've got just the thing.

Steal his girl, and then have a fling.

He'll be so angry, he'll be so confused,

His remote focus will be defused."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!

I'm right here ya know!

Guys, if you're gonna plot behind my back,

At least make it better than some cheap- ass attack!"

Edge was not happy with his friends plotting against him, especially in front of him. (Obviously)

Chris laughed.

"Calm down man, we were just havin' some fun.

Don't worry John, your work is done.

Now Edge, why don't we get somewhere and chill?

No offense guys, but we're taking a spill."

Lita frowned.

"Hold up, Edge, what about me?

You told me you loved me, you guaranteed.

If you ain't feeling what I'm sayin', then it's like this?

How ya gonna ditch me, for your best friend Chris?"

Edge laughed and kissed her forehead.

"Don't worry girl,

I wouldn't leave you for the world.

Not any chance for a ho like Jericho.

Can't go today Chris, Lita needs some lovin'.

I'm gonna take her home for some kissin' and some huggin'."

John and Chris looked at each other and shuddered along with the rest of the RAW locker room.


	3. Let Me Flash Back

AN: I realized that the rest of the chapters will never be as good as the second one. But hey, a girl can dream. I had Jack in stitches with the whole Cena flashback.

The next day, Chris awoke in his hotel room bed. He felt different from yesterday, but wanted to be sure that he was no longer rapping.

He sat up and looked down beside him. "Good morning Lita."

He yawned, and then stopped short when he realized what he had just said. "LITA?!?!?!!?!??!"

Chris jumped out of bed and saw that he was naked. He took a few moments to compliment himself on having such a hot body before praying, "Oh God, what's happening now?"

He shook her arm feverishly. "Lita! Lita! Wake up!"

At that very moment in time and space, the door opened and WWE champion John Cena entered the room, closing the door after himself. (Was that a descriptive sentence or what?)

"Chris? Lita? In one bed? Together? Naked? Gasp! Chris, how could you!" John observed.

"It's not what it looks like! Oh damn, what does every man say that in this situation?" Chris pleaded.

"I dunno. You got tipsy didn't you?" John asked, suspiciously.

"What? No! Look, I may have slept with her, but please, I had no idea! Don't tell Edge. He'll never forgive me."

John sighed. "Of course, you know this is the third secret this week."

Chris groaned desperately. "Man, I wish I knew what you were talking about. Give me a clue!"

John sighed again. "Alright. I'll tell you one of my… many secrets." He turned his head in a dramatic fashion. "You see, quite a few years ago…"

A Couple of Months Ago…

"Edge? Edge! C'mon man, we're all going out to Hooter's to see how many chicken wings Shawn Michaels can eat before he realizes where he is! Where are ya?" John entered his temporary best friend's locker room and found a note on the bench. He picked it up.

"John, Lita and I are going out to the Hooter's in the next city to see how many chicken wings she can eat until she realizes where she is, then we will go back to the hotel to celebrate my title win. You know, the title that you no longer have because I stole it from you and then I laughed and you looked like a doof. Take my stuff to my room and I'll give you five dollars." John read.

He took a few seconds to consider what he would do with that $5 before picking up Edge's overstuffed duffel bag. Stuff fell out and as he bent down to pick it up, he noticed IT.

The WWE Championship belt with his name still on it.

John dropped everything and grabbed it. He looked at it while he was on his knees.

"You." John whispered.

The title said nothing back.

"Baby, please. I'm sorry I lost you. You know I am. Please don't give me the silent treatment. You know I still love you."

Still, the title said nothing.

"Come on, it hurts enough to have you ignore me but-" He nudged the "W" a little and it twirled.

"Oh baby!" John hugged the title, thrilled that she understood. He kissed her passionately and whispered, "We shouldn't be doing this. You're with Edge now, remember?"

The title remained emotionless, as if to say, "Edge who?"

John started kissing it again as he took off his clothes. "Ohhhh, you're right. From now on, it's just you and me! Ohhhhh baby!"

Fast-forward a few months…

"We made love for six hours. I felt so guilty, but we kept meeting like that until I beat Edge for her and now she's mine again." John sighed and looked to his friend for support.

Chris Jericho was wide- eyed and he couldn't stop staring at John.

That was the most disturbing thing that he'd ever heard.

"So… you had… sex… with the…" His eyes wandered down to the title that never left John's side. "EWWWW! John, Edge made _out_ with that title! His tongue touched it! And you had-"

John covered his friend's mouth in panic. "John, if you tell anyone, I swear to God that I will tell Edge about you and Lita."

Chris carefully removed John's hands from his mouth. "Trust me John, I'll NEVER repeat that. Now help me wake her up and get her out of here…"

John nodded and covered his eyes.

Chris took a second to reflect on what he had said and what John had done. "Um- oh, never mind."

Just as he was waking her up, Shawn Michaels and Triple H came in. Shawn quickly covered his eyes. Triple H couldn't take his eyes off of Lita's chest.

"Don't you ever lock your door?" John asked Chris.

Shawn chopped Triple H's shoulder. "Hunter! Stop looking!"

"What? I mean, they're nice, but she got a boob job, so they're not as good as Stephanie's."

"Stephanie's never had a … job?" Shawn asked.

"Yeah, I thought she got one back in 19…9…9…" Chris recalled.

"No no, it was 2003." John took out his memo pad. "I know I wrote it down."

"HEY! That's my wife!" Triple H growled.

Shawn rolled his eyes. "C'mon Hunt H, we all know that you've never exactly been the model husband for Steph."

"Oh yeah? Well, that's where you're wrong. She started it. For you see, ever since I could remember…" Triple H looked up in a dramatic fashion.

A few years ago…

After a hard day at work, Triple H returned to his hotel room and decided to surprise his wife, Steph.

Once inside, he walked into the bathroom to freshen up. But he noticed a heavily cologned note on the sink. Triple H frowned and opened it. It said…

Hey,

I dig you. Do you dig me? I wanna have sex. Holla back."

Francois

Triple H stared at the note. Someone must have sent this incredibly romantic letter to Steph. But why…? Just last night, Steph had told him how happy she was in the marriage.

How could Stephanie McMahon, daughter of Vincent Kennedy McMahon II, lie to her husband? Well, God dammit all!

Triple H stormed out of the bathroom just as Stephanie arrived.

"Hi honey. How are you?" She kissed his cheek.

"Fine…" he mumbled. "What time is it?"

"Oh… 8:45. You should get ready for your date." Stephanie sat on the bed and began to take off her shoes. "Work was a killer today…"

Triple H frowned. "_My_ date?"

"Yeah in the garden at ten. Some guy named Francois just faxed me a letter today for you. And yesterday you got a note. It's in the bath-"

"I'm aware. So… that note wasn't for you?"

"No way. Haven't you noticed the way he's been ogling you?"

"But I-"

Stephanie stood and sighed. "Hunter, you don't have to hide your extramarital affairs from me. I love you enough to respect your needs. As long as you don't divorce me, you can have your little affairs."

Triple H started to protest, them smiled. "Thanks Steph, you're the greatest!"

Fast- forward a few years…

"And because of that unfortunately needed sacrifice, we've been happily married since." Triple H explained.

Shawn rolled his eyes.

Chris Jericho snorted. "Please, she just didn't want to share her money with you if you _did_ get divorced."

Triple H narrowed his eyes, but before he could say a word, John interrupted.

"Hey, hey, hey! We're getting off track! You"- he pointed to Chris- "slept with your best friend's girlfriend!"

Chris threw his hands up in frustration. "Shut up! You just SHUT THE HELL UP! You slept with your best friend's title!"

"WHAT?!" Shawn and Hunter exclaimed.

"Long story." John explained. To Chris he said, "Look, let's just forget this ever happened. Tomorrow is when we shoot RAW, so we got to keep our minds clean."

"Good. Shawn, Hunter, John, leave."

DX shrugged and left. John followed suit.

Chris rolled his eyes and continued to try to awake Lita.


End file.
